


Below the Surface

by JesusCheese



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alpha Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten, Alpha Qian Kun, Alpha Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, No Smut, Rape Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:20:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23538250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JesusCheese/pseuds/JesusCheese
Summary: Xiaojun has been hiding for as long as he could remember. Nobody would ever find out who he truly was. He would make sure of that.
Relationships: Xiao De Jun | Xiao Jun/Everyone
Comments: 61
Kudos: 361





	1. Backstory

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Hidden](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12840288) by [RaeMin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaeMin/pseuds/RaeMin). 



> It's my first attempt at a story like this, and it's very dark, so turn back now if you're AT ALL sensitive to topics like rape or sexual harassment. I don't want anybody to be upset by a story. The first chapter especially is just...yeah, read the tags.

Xiaojun had been one of the earliest presenters in his grade, a title that would normally be worn with pride. Young boys, around age thirteen, presented as either alpha, beta, or omega. 

Little alphas would strut around, purposefully spreading and intensifying their scent. “Mine smells better than yours!” They would argue, tussling on the playground and growling at eachother, the sound weak compared to the ones of their fathers. They would flirt with the little omega girls, playing childish games and kissing under the slides. The alphas were a rambunctious bunch.

Betas generally stuck together. They were a caring bunch by nature. Not as submissive as omegas, not as dominant as alphas. They were a perfect middle ground and often took up caretaking careers. When little boys presented as betas, they knew how to keep everybody calm, how to help in heated situations, and how to be agreeable. Betas were the backbone of society, the cream of the crop. Xiaojun rather liked betas.

When little boys presented as omegas, they had nothing to boast about. When little boys presented as omegas, they were social outcasts nearly overnight. The stigma came from older days, generations before theirs. Female omegas could breed and have children, easily the most fertile of all. Male omegas, however, could not get pregnant. They were seen as a genetic anomaly- submissive, needing a big strong alpha, and unable to carry the alpha‘s pups. Male omegas weren’t good for anything other than satisfying an alpha sexually. Omegas were not something that young boys strived for.

…

Xiaojun learned from an early age to dislike them. He’d been out with his father at around five or six years old, going to the park. When he saw a homeless man shivering on the street, he’d approached, trying to start a conversation. It was only when the man looked back that his dad noticed the interaction, yanking Xioajun back and snapping at him. “Don’t touch my son, you dirty omega,” he growled, sniffing the air. “Out in the park in heat- fuckin’ miserable that is. Are you that much of a whore?”

“Please I just-“

“Please? You’re lucky I’m with my son,” he snapped, spitting at his face. “Otherwise I’d really teach you how to please an alpha.”

He was pulled away.

Xiaojun really didn’t like male omegas.

…

Xiaojun’s parents had prepared him since the age of ten, always telling them of their presentation. 

“Mine felt like a gentle warmth,” his mother, an omega, would share. “It was an amazing feeling to know that I would be graced with the gift of having many babies. I wanted nothing more than to have a family.”

“And how lucky I was to get a son,” his dad chuckled. “Yours won’t feel like your mother’s, son...it’s like a tingling, a cold wind. You’ll feel stronger, more powerful. You’ll pick up on scents and develop your own. Hell, maybe you’ll get my pine scent if you’re lucky. A god strong scent that is. A proper alpha presentation is a right of passage. Your day will come.”

He’d been practically wriggling in his seat, desperate to be called an alpha, to see what his scent was, to experience the power and protectiveness that his father always had. He was ready.

...

He was twelve when he felt a heat flow through this body, soft and cozy at first. After only a few minutes, the warmth intensified, sending waves through his body that had him pulling at his collar, neck and forehead already dotted with sweat. His friends started to notice, shooting him weird looks and laughing as they did their homework. 

“You’re so sweaty, Xiaojun. You’re practically bathing!”

“Get off my back; it’s hot in here.”

“Are you kidding me? It’s mid-January!”

Xiaojun pressed a hand to his stomach, wincing at the cramps there. He must’ve eaten something seriously messed up at lunch. He was going to- oh god, he was gonna vomit.

“Mrs. Moon, can I use the restroom?” he choked out, already on his way to the door.

“You don’t look too good, kiddo. What’s- oh… oh Xiaojun, let’s step outside.”

Great. Now he felt like shit and he was in trouble.

“Xiaojun,” she spoke gently, looking both ways. “Baby, you’re presenting.”

He stopped from where he’d been pressing against her gentle hand on his forehead. “What? Dad said it was going to feel powerful,” he whined. “This doesn’t feel powerful at all. This- ahh, Mrs. Moon, this hurts!” There were tears pricking his eyes now. This really, really wasn’t what he’d imagined.

“Your dad’s an alpha, Xiaojun. Kiddo, I hate to break it to you, but you’re an omega.”

He looked up in alarm. “What! No, you’re wrong! I can’t be. I’m strong like my dad.”

“Honey, you can be strong no matter your sub-gender. We always tell kids that. For now, you need to go home. Your parents will get you some nesting supplies, water, painkillers, toys- everything you need. Take a couple days off of school and be proud of yourself. You’re an early bloomer.”

Nesting? Painkillers? Home? Xiaojun wanted to cry.

…

“Dad?” he asked, breaking the silence. He hadn’t spoken since he picked him up from school and drove him home. They were now standing awkwardly in the home, Xiaojun clutching his stomach and praying for something, anything to ease the pain. 

“Don’t call me that,” he spoke slowly, tainting the air with a bitter, angry scent. It had Xiaojun’s body ready to hit the floor, knees knocking. In this heightened state, it was simply terrifying.

And yet somehow, the moment his father began dragging him down the stairs with a hand around his arm was so, so much worse.

He dropped him in an empty room, nothing but cinder blocks and cold concrete surrounding home. “What’s happening?” he asked, sitting on the floor in pain. “Please, what’s happening?”

“You’re going to stay down here,” he hissed. “You’re not gonna stick your hands up your ass to try to pleasure yourself, you’re not gonna make any noise, and your not gonna fuckin’ come out until your little...fit is over.” He left for no more than twenty seconds, throwing a bottle of water and a loaf of bread to the floor. “You break any of my rules, and I’ll punish you like a real alpha. I don’t care that you have my blood.”

“Dad,” Xiaojun begged, crying out when his father's hand came down onto his cheek. “Please, I need help.”

“No pleasure, no noise, no leaving.”

He slammed the door closed. The two deadbolts clicked into place on the other side. The light shut off. Xiaojun was stuck in.

He bit back a whimper, remembering his father’s warnings, and retreated to the corner of the small room. It couldn’t have been larger than 5x6 feet. If he stretched out fully, he could touch each side, but that was out of the question.

His stomach was cramping forcefully, though it was moving lower and lower, growing more and more intense. What was he supposed to do? God, what was he supposed to do?

He covered his hand with his mouth, smothering a gasp. His thighs were sticky and wet, and a sickly sweet smell was filling up the room like gas. He reached down, touching the sticky substance but making sure to steer clear of his private parts, heeding his father's warnings once again. 

Just then, he was struck with the strangest feeling. He did want something inside him, just to satisfy the...the emptiness he felt. He practically ached. He wouldn’t touch himself.

“Agh-“ he cried, feeling warmth run down his body despite the coldness of the basement. “Oh my god,” he whispered. “Oh my god.” He was crying just then, not knowing what else could be done in that situation.

He curled into the tightest ball he could manage, exhaustion creeping in and taking him away. It was so dark. Xiaojun was terrified.

…

He wished he knew what time it was- how long had passed since he’d been locked in. Did he manage to set a record for quickest busted lip from biting? It would’ve been helpful if he knew how long these...fits were supposed to last. It was much, much more difficult than how his mother had explained it.

He took off his shirt, balling it up and putting it in his mouth. Biting down on that was better than his own flesh. 

It stunk to high hell in that room. He hadn’t been permitted a toilet break,so he did the best that he could, isolating his waste to one corner. The slimy sweet smelling stuff had spilled out onto the floor. His bread was nearly untouched but his water was gone. He wanted out. He wanted something to help him feel satisfied. He wanted the comforting touch of an alpha...that was the first time he’d ever actively searched that out.

He bit down harder and screamed into the shirt when his whole body cramped, pain radiating just from laying there. He wanted out so, so badly. 

Xiaojun just sobbed.

…

He didn’t know how long he’d been sitting there when the door finally creaked open, revealing his father in his business suit.

“Strip down and stand against the back wall.”

“What?” Xiaojun asked. “I’ve been good, dad, really. I didn’t make noise, I didn’t touch myself, and-“

“You couldn’t have left even if you wanted to,” he interrupted. “You didn’t break any rules. That’s why it’s only me down here. Strip and stand against the back wall. You’re absolutely filthy.”

He had no choice but to oblige. There was creaking from behind him but before he had the chance to look, his back was slammed with cold water. He screamed out, stabilizing himself against the wall with his hands. “What is this?” He asked over the volume of the water pounding against his flesh.

“You’re disgusting, and you need a shower,” his father said. There was a bar of soap tossed to his feet and he wasted no time in utilizing it. Even he had to admit it, he did feel pretty gross.

The water turned off.

“There’s clothes outside the door. Put them on.”

He moved towards the door for the first time in god knows how long, watching the soapy water and waste flow into a drain in the floor. He quickly slid on the clothes- a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt.

Then, he followed his father up the stairs, standing back when he saw an older man with a large bag on the dining table.

“Lay down on the table, Xiaojun.”

“What is this? Dad-“

“Now.”

He trudged forward, slapping offending hands away when the man tried to lift his shirt. “Stop!”

“Damn it, if you can’t control him, how am I supposed to evaluate him?”

“Xiaojun, don't move an inch.”

He didn’t have to be told twice, especially with the low growl that his father was using to give directions. His body moved seemingly on its own in response.

“Well, response to alpha growl is a check yes,” the guy said, lifting his shirt again. “No chest hair, though he might not have hit puberty just yet.” His hands wandered down. “Wider hips, just slightly.” Unzipped pants and Xiaojun still could not move. Heat rose up in his cheeks- this time, not due to his fit. There were hands touching him in places that even he hadn’t wandered. “No knot...slick glands present...you’ve got yourself a male omega. You’ve already had your first heat, haven’t you, boy?”

He nodded. He supposed that was what was happening in the basement.

He turned to his father. “Now what kinds of supplies did he have? Did you have another alpha come help him or just pain reducers and blankets?”

“He got nothing, just as he should. Even if he’s...any person with my blood will not be weak.”

“I understand where you’re coming from, but from a medical point of view, it can be quite emotionally and physically damaging to an omega to go through heat alone, especially without proper supplies.”

“I didn’t hire you for your medical expertise. Have you got the pills?”

The doctor sighed. “I figured you’d ask. I’ll grab them for you. One pill a day will get rid of his scent and hide him well enough. Two, and he won’t have his heat. Now, I’m not here to tell you what to do, but...from a not-so-medical point of view, alphas will pay a pretty penny to have access to an unmarked omega in heat. I recommend that he take one for that reason.”

Xiaojuns father scoffed. “You want me to prostitute my son? The whole point is for people to not know.”

“I know that, I know...but if you did it...hell, even if you just filmed it, you’d be in the money. Alphas are always ready to be with an omega in heat, but they only happen every three months. And a male omega? Well, male omegas are not common at all. If I were you, I’d take advantage of that. Just a bit of advice.”

The doctor packed up, gathering his supplies before making eye contact with Xiaojun, who still hadn’t moved. “Especially one who listens to an alpha so damn well.”

“Doc, you...if I did decide to do that...you’d know how to err- get an audience?”

He barked out a laugh. “I could have a line rounding the block. Just give me a call and we’ll fix something up.”

Then he was gone.

“Get up.”

Xiaojun did, still not quite understanding what was going on. Line around the block for what? 

“These-“ his dad shaked an orange bottle. “Are omega suppressants. You’ll take…” he stopped, seeming to ponder something. “You’ll take one a day, not two.”

“What do they do?” He looked at the box with interest. The only time he’d taken medication before was when he was sick.

“They dampen your scent and a few of your...more submissive urges. When we’re in public, you’ll be my beta son, all right? You’re a beta.”

“But I’m a-“

“You’re whatever I want you to be. I didn’t get the son I wanted, so you don’t get what you want either. Understand?”

“Yes, dad.”

“Get ready for school. You’ve been gone a whole fuckin week already.”

“Yes, dad.”

Xiaojun’s life had changed in a matter of seconds and solidified in four days. He didn’t like it. He didn’t like it at all.

…

Going back to school was more of a relief than he’d imagined. With the pills he was taking, nobody knew his true identity. He kept his mouth shut and acted as closely to a beta as he could. When he’d told his friends his presentation, they all patted him on the back before rambling on about how they knew they were going to be an alpha.

At least Xiaojun still had friends. If he was an omega, he certainly would not.

“What’s it like?” One of them, Yaojing, asked as he sat on the springs. 

“Hmm?”

“Presenting. What’s it like?”

Xiaojun sighed, deciding to at least tell a half truth. “It’s disorienting. It flips your whole life upside down.”

Yaojing hummed, kicking at the ground. “It’s funny. Some people you know for sure what they’ll present as. I know- I know it’s rare, but I’d thought for sure that you’d be an omega.”

His heart clenched in panic. “Why would you think that?”

“Just your personality. You’re like a kid brother, always making jokes and smiling and hanging around the rest of the boys. Seems quieter now though. Maybe that’s the beta poking through.”

“I’m not an omega,” he informed finally, leaving no room for argument.

“Yeah, yeah I know. I’m just saying that you act like one. And there’s nothin’ wrong with that.”

“Nothing wrong with being a male omega? Are you joking?”

“We live in a modern world, Xiaojun. Things aren’t like how they were before.”

“But-“

“And I know we live in a small town, but think outside of here. There’s so many male omegas who are proud of who they are. I know you’re not one, but if you were...it wouldn’t be a bad thing.”

Xiaojun didn’t know what to think anymore. 

…

When he’d gotten home that day, his mother hugged him as always, running a hand through his hair. “Hello my baby. How was school?”

“Fine,” he murmured cautiously. “I have a lot of homework.”

She hummed. “It’s no fun to miss out because of your heat. I’m sorry.”

He set his backpack on the counter, reaching for the plate of apple slices that she’d slid to him. “You’re not...mad?”

She sighed. “I’m an omega, baby. I know you can’t control it...Your father’s always wanted a little alpha son that he could show the ropes to, you know? You understand...he’ll come around.”

“I don’t think so,” Xiaojun responded honestly. “He locked me in the basement and gave me rules. He threatened to hurt me. He sprayed me with cold water and had a doctor give me these pills that make me feel weird. They’re supposed to make me normal, but I just feel so awful, mama....He’s so disappointed in me.”

“He’s teaching you to be strong, Xiaojun. Don’t get confused. Just because you’re an omega doesn’t mean you can’t be strong. Your father will teach you; you just have to learn.”

He hummed, taking a bite of the sweet fruit. “Where’ve you been, mom? You weren’t there when I came out of the basement.”

“Your father didn’t want me in the house while you were in heat. You know how you’re not allowed in my room when I’m in heat?”

“Yeah.”

“Well once every three months, when you go into your heat, I’ll stay with my sister. It’s better that way.”

“You’ll leave me alone with Dad?” he asked, suddenly fearful. “What if I need you?”

“I’ll be back as soon as you’re done. You know that...I already told you to trust your father to be strong. Can’t you trust me too?”

He nodded, determined. “I trust you, mama.”

“Good boy. You’re my perfect little boy.”

Xiaojun got chills from the praise, melting on the spot. Maybe this would all be okay, eventually.

…

After his presentation, his father didn’t look at him. He didn’t talk to him unless absolutely necessary. He pretended that he wasn’t there. Eventually, he sent him to his room so that he actually wouldn’t be. His room wasn’t the same anymore.

His room was different. His keyboard, drums, and guitar were all missing. His bookshelf was empty, save for his bottle of pills and a bottle of scent blocker spray. Computer-missing. Clothes- limited to seven pairs of jeans, seven pairs of boxers, and seven black t-shirts.

Once a week, his mother would collect the dirty clothes to clean before giving them back two hours later. Without anything to do besides school, he just sat in his bedroom, staring out the window. 

“Yaojing?” he asked himself, seeing his friend walk past with his shoulders drawn up to his ears. His backpack was hanging off his body lamely, half open. Xioajun stood up quickly, straightening out his t-shirt before heading out of the house, careful to avoid his father. It wasn’t too hard; he spent most of his time in his office. But if Xiaojun was caught, he’d have to spend the day in the basement. He really didn’t like the basement.

“Yaojing?” he asked, whisper-yelling. “Are you alright?”

His best friend looked to him, shivering. That’s when Xiaojun caught a whiff of him- sweet like marshmellows. Was he really an omega? “Yaojing...your scent. Did you present?”

“They smelt me at school,” he spoke brokenly. “I understand if you don’t want to be friends...I know you don’t like omegas, so-”

“No! No, that’s not it.” He walked up to him, casting a glance over his shoulder at his house. His secret would be safe with his best friend, right? It had to be. “You can’t tell anybody, Yaojing...but I’m an omega too.”

“What? You’re a beta.”

“No, my father told me to pretend so that I could be strong- so, so that I wouldn’t get hurt. But I’m an omega. I didn’t know there would be another male so close to me.”

“Me neither,” his friend smiled.

“Who did this to you?”

He sighed. “It’s not important...My parents are worried about me, so- Xiaojun, I fear that I won’t be going to school here anymore. They want to move to a bigger city where people are more open-minded. I’ll be safe there.”

“That’s...shit. Well that’s a good thing, right?”

“I don’t even know anymore.”

“Will we see eachother again?”

“Of course,” Yaoping insisted. “I’ll find you again, Xiaojun. Don’t worry.”

…

Xiaojun was dreading each day, knowing that each of them brought him closer to his heat, the week-long hell in his basement. As he took each pill under the supervision of his father, he wondered if he could possibly sneak two. His father would check under his tongue to make sure he’d swallowed and leave, taking the bottle with him to lock up in his room. Xiaojun was having his heat whether he liked it or not.

He felt the first warmth in his bedroom. “No,” he whispered to himself. “Please no, I don’t want to go back down.”

“Xiaojun!” his father’s voice boomed. “Come down here!”

He pushed himself from the bed, trudging through his house. “Yes?”

“You’re in heat.”

He looked to his feet. “Yes.”

“Come on then, you know what to do.”

“Dad please let me do this one in my room, please. I won’t leave, I won’t make noise. Please!” His fathers hand was already around his arm, pulling him forcefully from the room and down the stairs. He was struck with memories from the first time, and he pulled harder than before, desperate to get away from his father’s angry pine smell.

“Xiaojun, your job as an omega is to please an alpha. Do I look pleased?”

“No,” he whimpered, crying out when the hand tightened. “No, dad.”

“Stop fighting,” he growled. Xiaojun physically felt the energy drain from his body, heat achig when he got no praise for listening. He just wanted to be told he did well. Was that too much to ask for?

“Take of your clothes.”

He didn’t argue. He stripped off his simple clothing and stood, shivering in the chilly room despite the fire in his body. “Why is this happening, dad?”  
In place of an answer, he was shoved into the room. It was spotless, as if what had happened only three months ago was only a dream- no, a nightmare. Xiaojun was in a nightmare, and he just wanted out. “No, Dad, please,” he whimpered, no longer screaming. “Please don’t do this.”

His father paused at the doorway, bread and water in hand. For the first time since he had presented, Xiaojun’s father looked him in the eyes. “Maybe being an omega was a blessing in disguise,” he offered, sounding hopeful. “You’re going to help this family, Xiaojun.”

“I just want to get out, please. Please, dad, please let me out. Please, please, please...” He was a mess now, snot bubbling, cheeks red, eyes watering. “Daddy, please.”

He held up a hand for silence. “You’ll be out soon enough. Do you remember the rules?”

He pursed his lips, tears in his eyes. “No noise, no pleasure, no leaving.”

“That’s right. And this time, I’ll know if you break any rules.” Xiaojun followed his finger to the corner of the room where a video camera was mounted, cords going into the wall and red light offering no real illumination. Why would he record his son’s heat? “Remember…” he paused, looking to the floor. “All of this is for your own good.”

The door was closed, and XIaojun made no noise. It was for his own good.

…

His hands were clasped over his abdomen, teeth ground together, and body oozing. The red light was still on, and he still couldn’t break the rules. He had to follow the rules. He had to-

The lock clicked. The speed at which he looked up had a whine of pain crawling its way up his throat. His father wasn’t supposed to come this early. Would he be able to go to his room? The door was opened, and a small sliver of light came into the room.

“Five thousand for five hours,” his father’s voice said. “Remember, no permanent damage, no marking.”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re taking up my time. God, he smells so fuckin’ good.”

“Signal the camera if you need out.”

“Oh I can guarantee I won’t need that.”

The door was closed and Xiaojun felt that somebody else was in the room. In the darkness, he couldn’t see his fingers an inch from his eyes, much less the sillouhette of an unexpected guast-

“Come here, omega.” 

Hands pulled him to the center of the room and he gasped in shock. “WHat? Who are-”

“Shut the fuck up,” the man growled, flipping him onto his hands and knees and getting his hand over Xiaojun’s mouth. It was excessive, really. With the way he’d commanded, Xiaojun had no intention of making noise. He was just so, so confused. Who was this man? What did he do? “Alpha’s gonna make you feel so good.”

Xiaojun was destroyed that night. Repeatedly. The small amount of relief came nowhere close to the pain, terror, and embarrassment of being used. Occasionally, the door would open and he would hear his father’s voice. Then he would be alone with another man. And another. And another. There was no break. And he couldn’t do a damn thing about it.

Xiaojun decided that he’d rather be dead than be an omega.

…

When Xiaojun was sixteen, his mother had come home from her sister’s house early to see his husband counting bills in the kitchen with large, musky men surrounding him. It hadn’t taken long to understand what had been happening right under her nose. 

“Do not go down there!” her husband roared as she neared the stairs.

She ripped off her wedding ring. “I might have your mark on my neck, but I refuse to be married to you any longer! I’m getting my son, and you’re not going to stop me.”

“Think about this. Just go back to your sister’s house and take a few days to compose yourself.”

“How long?”

“What?”

“How long have you been selling my son to any alpha with cash?”

“Your son?”

“Oh, he hasn’t been your son since he presented four years ago, asshole. I thought you were hard on him, but I’d never thought...you’re sick.”

“What’re you going to do with him? Where will you go?”

“Anywhere but here,” she spat, descending the stairs and throwing the door open, flipping the switch on the outside wall. “Xiaojun baby,” she called gently, avoiding the messes on the floors and emitting as many calming pheromones as she could. Normally, calming an omega was not an omega’s job, but when there was nobody else to do it, she was more than willing. “Let’s go.”

“What?” he asked, sounding exhausted. “Who…”

“It’s mama, baby. Come on, we’re leaving. We’re gonna go live with your aunt for a little while.”

Xiaojun never saw his father again.


	2. Liar, Liar, Plants for Hire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all of the positive feedback on the last chapter, y'all. I wasn't too sure about how decent it was but it meant a lot. <3  
> Also, from here on out, the chapters will be shorter. Please don't yell at me about it. It's just the way it is.

The funny thing about living in a lie was that it was so, so very hard to live the truth. To all people but three, Xiaojun was just a beta. How was he going to tell the truth to the six other boys that he was supposed to sleep, breathe, and eat with? Xiaojun had made up his mind about the situation. They were not going to know his true sub-gender, and that was final.

Just a year ago, he was eighteen years old, fresh out of his house with nowhere to go. His mother and auntie Mei offered to house him- insisted, really, but he was sure that if he spent another second in that house, he would combust. For the first time in his life, he belonged to nobody. He could do whatever the hell he wanted.

It was just him, his suppressants, some shitty motels, and his amazing voice.

Only one of those things got him a spot at one of the biggest talent companies all the way in Korea.

But he wasn’t a child anymore. He was in control of his life. He never slept in the dark. He never wore black. He never ate bread and only drank water if it had sugar in it. He hated jeans and never undressed around other people. His showers were burning hot. His pills were never missed. Two by mouth every single morning. He had everything under control.

And he’d been fine. He did his little things to cope, and the members said nothing. After all, he had lived with them for a year. They’d gotten used to it. He could come out of his shell a bit- speak without being spoken to, lay his head on somebody’s shoulder, ask for favors and expect people to help. He could smile at fans or ride a bike or come out of his room whenever he wanted. He could breathe...sort of.

These boys were nice, good, trustworthy. Even the three alphas, Kun, Lucas, and Ten, were nothing like the alphas he’d experienced in the past. Protective, bold, unafraid, sure, but also funny, childish, soft. It was unnerving at first. He tended to stick around the betas, Hendery and Yangyang. These boys were hyper, constantly bouncing off the walls and teasing the others. Xiaojun was also unnerved by them. Fortunately (or not), they grew on him.

Ten had once compared them to mold.

The only omega besides Xiaojun himself was Winwin, a soft spoken, kind boy who’d been waiting patiently for his time to shine. He was passionate, if not desperate, to succeed and to stay out of everybody’s way while doing it. He was pulled into the group despite this. Winwin was constantly doted on.

Pretending to hate affection was something that Xiaojun couldn’t imagine an omega doing. Winwin, however, playfully shoved the alphas away often, something that Xiaojun was a bit angry about. If he could, he would roll around in their affection, press his face to their scent glands, or hang off their backs like a koala. He wanted to be doted on.

But they were alphas. And alphas weren’t always what they seemed. No amount of trust could ever overthrow Xioajun’s weariness of them, and that was just the way it was. That was the way it would always be.

But he wanted it so, so badly. He wanted to give the truth to these boys that he loved. He wanted to be cuddled and wrapped in hugs and praised. Part of that was his omega instincts. Part of it was just him. He considered telling them nearly every day, but every time he made up his mind, he just couldn’t. He knew they wouldn’t kick him out or mistreat him, but there was a lingering sense of “what if?”. He couldn’t tell them.

He had lied to them- had been lying to them for a year. They had debuted, and still, nobody knew. Maybe they’d be mad. Maybe they’d take away his suppressants, force him into heat, and...No, no they wouldn’t do that. Probably. Maybe Sicheng would feel jealous like an only child getting a little sibling. Maybe the alphas wouldn’t like him anymore.

There were too many possibilities, and Xiaojun was fine, really. The suppressants weren’t that bad. They made him tired, which had resulted in an ungodly amount of blackmail pictures of his sleeping face in waiting rooms, restaurants, the kitchen table. He felt anxious, but that wasn’t so bad either. The worst part about having suppressants for so long was the inevitable heat that would come once he stopped taking them.

Essentially, every heat he’d missed would be packed into one.

It would be excruciating without an alpha, and Xiaojun sure as hell wasn’t ready to be in the same room as one during his heat. Hell, he couldn’t be in the same room as Winwin during the boy’s heat, afraid that one of the alphas would go ballistic.

He’d seen Winwin’s heat only once.

He had piled blankets and pillows on the floor, squeezing them harshly when he had a pain shoot through him. Whichever alpha was laying beside him would set a hand on his abdomen, rubbing and talking in deep, low tones, emitting pheromones that had even Xiaojun feeling floaty and ready to sleep.

They didn’t hurt Winwin at all. They held him close and peppered him with soft kisses. They respected his wishes- no knotting. No sex. 

But maybe they wouldn’t do the same for Xiaojun.

That was enough to stop him in his tracks. Every. Single. Time.


	3. Who Hurt You?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's a little longer, so I hope y'all enjoy it

Xiaojun kept a schedule of when his heats should be. It might’ve been redundant, sure, with the suppressants blocking them, but he wanted to know. Just in case. He had woken up before everybody, as always, to take two of his pills. He frowned at the bottle, fishing around and finding only one pill inside.

No, this was impossible. He’d just checked the night before, hadn’t he...Had he?

He groaned to himself, taking the one pill and hoping it would suffice. He was due for a heat in a few days. He could get more pills in a few days. He flipped through the contacts on his phone, ringing his doctor.

“Hello?”

“Doctor Xu, this is Xiaojun,” he spoke quietly, exiting his and Yangyang’s shared bedroom. “Can you give me a time to swing by today for more medication? I’ve just finished the bottle.”

“You’re out already? I gave you thirty at the start of the month.”

“Yes,” Xiaojun drawled. “And I take two a day to prevent eer, outbreaks...Your bottle only lasted fifteen days, so I need another. Today.”

“You should’ve told me that you were taking two, Xiaojun, I-”

“You should’ve known that in the first place,” he shot back. “I need them; you don’t understand.”

“No, Xiaojun, you don’t understand. I have so many people I’m helping; I cannot simply remember how much each individual is taking per day. That’s your job.”

“Okay, fine, so I stuffed up. I admit it. Doesn’t matter whose fault it is now. Can I come by today or not?”

“They’re not in stock today.”

“You’re kidding me. When will they be in stock, then?”

“Not for a long while, kid. The government’s cracking down on these illegal omega products...something about heat build up and dangers of suppressing pheremones and all that bullshit. I’ve got nothing for you.”

“Tell me somebody who does, then. I need them.”

“One, I don’t talk to anybody but my supplier, and he’s got jack shit. Two, even if I knew a seller, I wouldn’t tell you. It’s bad for business.”

“You know what would be bad for business? Me telling the cops and having you thrown into jail, you nasty piece of-”

“Xiaojun.” He ended the call, turning to face Kun, who was standing in the hallway, hair standing up on one side. “What was that about?”

“Nothing.”

“Doesn’t seem like nothing.”

“It’s...somebody’s on my nerves is all.”

“Well do you need me to deal with it? You seemed upset.”

“No, no, it’ll be alright. Just a miscommunication is all.”

Kun nodded, scuffling to the kitchen. “Right, well...don’t be so loud. Don’t wanna wake the neighbors.”

“Sorry.”

“No worries. Help me cook?”

Normally, Xiaojun wouldn’t put off an opportunity for some one on one time with Kun. This situation was anything but normal. “I think I’ll go for a walk.”

“Okay...Make sure to be back within the hour to make it to work on time.”

He assured him, changing into sweats and a yellow jacket before heading out onto the streets, mind set on one thing. He needed pills.

His first stop was the hospital. Walking in, he was nearly completely ignored by the doctors and nurses bustling about. Why would they pay attention to him? He wasn’t injured. He snagged the arm of a nurse.

“I need something.”

She did a visual examination. “What’s wrong?”

“I was wondering if you could get me some medication.”

“That depends; do you have a prescription?”

“It’s for my heat,” he whispered. “I ran out of suppressants.”

She hummed. “As much as I feel for you, I can’t do anything. We don’t carry illegal drugs here, and I certainly don’t want to lose my job.”

“Please, my heat is in only a few days. I need them now.”

She sighed, pulling out a notepad and scratching out an address. “You can try this clinic, but there’s no promises...The government’s been cracking down on this lately, you know. Omegas shouldn’t be preventing their natural instincts.”

“And yet, here I am. Thank you ma’am.”

“Be safe.”

…

The clinic had nothing. Nobody had anything, and he was so, so fucked. He picked up his phone, staring at his mother’s contact and debating calling home. Maybe he could wait it out there. No, no, god, the members would ask too many questions. One way or another, he’d be fucked. “Fuck!” he screamed, throwing a fist at a wall and squatting, hands running through his hair.

“Xiaojun?”

He straightened up, smiling at Hendery when he came out of the apartment. “What’s that smell? Is that you?”

“Maybe, I’ve just been for a run and haven’t had the chance to shower.”

“No, it’s not sweat...it smells like- oh I don’t know. It’s probably not you anyways. What’re you doing out here?”

“Catching my breath is all.”

“Alright, well come inside. We’re leaving soon, and you should eat.”

Xiaojun had absolutely no appetite. He showered, scrubbing harshly at his body, cursing his scent from coming through. “I took a fucking pill, so if you could not, that’d be great,” he spat at himself, rubbing harder. He reeked of vanilla, a sickly sweet smell. He knew the alphas would pick up on it immediately.

As soon as he was out, he applied the scent masking spray, hoping that it would be enough for the day.

Another thing he noticed was that taking half of his normal dose didn’t just affect his scent. He could now smell each and every one of his members. It was subtle but still there, mixing in an intoxicating aroma.

Hendery smelled of freshly baked bread, a calming, homey scent. Yangyang smelled like fresh laundry- refreshing, clean. Winwin smelled like chocolate. 

“Figures,” Xiaojun thought. “That Winwin and I would be vanilla and chocolate.”

Kun smelled like the earth itself- the air before a storm, dewey grass, the breeze through a meadow. Xiaojun knew that when his heat came on, he’d be absolutely infatuated with that scent. Lucas smelt strongly of eucalyptus, a smell resembling childhood remedies and healing. Ten had a coffee scent- black, no sugar, no cream. He smelled like the inside of a cafe.

Sitting in the van with all of those smells, he quickly realized something. He was going to go into heat very, very soon. He was early. Spending four years with his heat cycle clued him into all of the warning signs. There was no heat in his chest, but with how quickly his heat came on, he knew it wouldn’t be long. He would probably be in heat by the end of the day. And he just couldn’t fucking do that.

“Hey, you alright?”

He glanced over at Ten, who had a hand on his knee. “Yeah, why?”

“You smell weird...Sweet but also- uhm, scared? Your scent is normally pretty neutral, so I figured you were pretty upset for it to get so strong. I don’t think I’ve ever smelt this on you, actually.” Ten tried to lean closer but Xiaojun blocked him off, leaning away.

“I’m fine. Maybe I touched somebody on my run this morning.” He knew very well that it was bullshit. He knew that Ten knew it too. He’d showered and changed his clothes. Any trace of a scared omega would’ve been washed off immediately.

The van started to smell like warm bread, and Xiaojun’s heart slowed down a bit. He glanced at Hendery in the front, wanting to get closer to him and just bury his face in his friend’s neck. He wanted to drown in that scent.

He didn’t.

…

He’d made it through the more challenging part of their day. In the morning, they’d sing and dance without a break for two hours. It wasn’t a long time, but it sure as hell was tough. Especially with all of the new smells circulating around him. One particularly unnerving one- the scent of pine wafting from their choreographer.

That was his father’s scent.

Xiaojun made it through the morning.

The car ride back to the dorm was ten times worse than the one before. Everything was amplified, everything was hot, everything was too much. Xiaojun could smell not only his own vanilla flowing freely, he could smell absolutely all of it. Chocolate, bread, coffee, laundry, earth, eucalyptus, vanilla. He was going to freak the hell out.

He threw open the door, gulping down the fresh air. There were alphas coming out of the car behind him, and that alone sent the hair on his arms prickling. He needed to get to his room. He’d be safe in his room.

“Xiaojun?” a voice asked as he took off, stumbling through the hallways.

“Okay, something’s up,” Ten decided, marching to the door of their apartment. “First he tells me that he bumped into somebody when he was wafting vanilla, now he’s running from us into our own apartment, then-”

Oh lord. It smelled ten times stronger in the apartment. They were all taken back to when they were kids, sniffing the vanilla before dumping it into the mix. It was sickly sweet, thick, intoxicating.

“Is Xiaojun...is Xiaojun in heat?” Lucas asked.

“What?” Hender asked back, bewildered.

“He can’t be. He’s a beta.” Yangyang retorted.

“Then tells me why it smells like the Pillsbury Dough Boy’s asshole in here,” Lucas shot back. “A beta does not smell like this...or do that.”

They moved through the threshold and into the apartment, circling around Xiaojun, who was sat in the middle of the kitchen, face pressed against the cold tiles, clinging to himself. He wasn’t breathing.

…

They knew. They knew. They knew.

His anxiety rolled off him in waves and the heat in his body was much more intense than before, causing him to shudder and sweat. He was beginning to feel the wetness down his legs. This was horrible; this was the worst thing that could’ve happened. He started to sob, not fully catching his breath, and curling further into himself on the cold floor. At least that was familiar.

“Xiaojun,” he felt somebody say as he was lifted and corralled into a lap. As the thinnest member, they often tossed him around and threw him, but he’d never been lifted so gently by one of them. There was a large hand at the back of his neck, and suddenly, his head was resting on a shoulder, pressed tightly into a neck, and eucalyptus invaded his senses. “Just breathe. I’m here. Breathe deep and relax.”

He wanted to, really. His body was telling him to, but he couldn’t. He was in heat. He was in the lap of an alpha, held to that alpha’s neck. He couldn’t move. 

He screamed, pushing against Lucas’ body and trying to get out. His scent turned even more sour when he wouldn’t let go. He was drowning. He couldn’t breathe, and everything smelled like alpha, and he was going to die or they were going to use him. God, he was dying.

“Breathe!” Lucas tried again, pushing the omega further into his neck. “Come on, inhale it, Xiaojun!”

“Let him go!” Kun commanded, pulling Lucas back and causing Xiaojun to fall onto the floor. He promptly scampered up and sprinted to his bedroom, throwing himself under the bed.

“What’s wrong with him?” Lucas asked, wringing his hands. “I was calm. I was giving him my pheromones, and he wouldn’t...god, he wouldn’t calm down!”

“There’s something he’s not telling us,” Hendery thought out loud. “He...Xiaojun’s been hurt. Somebody hurt him.”

The room turned bitter and Ten sprung into action.

“No, don’t get angry now. In heat, you’ll just make him terrified. Winwin? Can you get him water? Some sort of pain reliever?”

“Ten, he hasn’t had a heat in years. There’s no pain reliever on earth that’ll help him now.”

Kun scratched his head, pacing. “Winwin, get the water for him. Hendery and Xiaojun, help him nest and get him calm enough for us.”

“You want us to go near him?” Lucas asked, bewildered. “After how he just reacted?”

“He won’t make it through this without an alpha near him,” Winwin informed them, coming out of the bathroom with pads. “A normal heat can be done without an alpha but it’s painful and causes distress. A heat that’s been building for years? No way. He needs us, whether he wants it or not.”

“Go in and help him then.”

“We’ll do what we can.”

…

Winwin led the pack, looking around for his brother and panicking a bit when he was nowhere to be found. It certainly smelt like he was in there. A quick glance to the window told him that he hadn’t gotten onto the fire escape. All of the beds were empty, and so was the closet...So where-

“Xiaojun,” Yangyang called softly. “Come on out from there; you can’t be comfortable.”

Winwin looked to his younger brother, kneeling and peering under the bed. “There’s no alphas in here, baby. It’s just Hendery, Winwin, and me. You’re alright.”

There was a spike of sour when Hendery tried to get his hand under the bed. “Just go,” Xiaojun whined, sounding pained. “Get out.”

“We want to help you,” Winwin informed him, kneeling down. “I’d bet it’s pretty hot down there, isn’t it? Your slick’s probably leaking at this point.”

Xiaojun’s breathing hitched. “I’m sorry, please don’t be mad. I’ll clean-”

“No, no...Don’t get upset. I just want you to come out here so that you can feel better. Then I’ll get you pillows and blankets so you can relax, and we’ll cuddle a bit. That’s got to be better than staying under there. I have water-”

“No water,” he snapped. “I don’t want water.”

“Okay then...I’ll bring you anything you need. Xiaojun, your heat’s going to be amplified from missing so many times. I know that you’d rather be alone, but I’m telling you that it’s not an option.”

Xiaojun was silent for a little while, considering the information he’d just received. “Are the alphas outside?”

“They’re all outside, worrying about you.”

“Don’t let them in.”

“I won’t let anybody in without your consent,” Winwin promised. “I wouldn’t lie to you either, baby. Come on out and let us help you.”

Slowly, he slithered out, face red and eyes streaming. He crawled to the wall, leaning against it while curled up, breathing harshly with his face screwed up in immense pain. And yet, he made no noise.

“Don’t be afraid,” Hendery cooed, letting his calming scent free. “You can say anything or scream if you need to. Winwinie usually groans up a storm.”

Xiaojun still continued to bite his lip, tears streaming. Slowly, Hendery cupped his neck and brought his nose closer to his scent gland, helping him to inhale the pheromones. “Just breathe. You’ve got to breathe.”

Yangyang was busying himself, grabbing blankets off every bed, thankful that Xiaojun didn’t have any alpha roommates. He piled them in the center of the room, knowing that Xiaojun would arrange them however he deemed fit.

“Yangyang got you blankets for your nest, baby. Come on.” They guided him gently to the nest, surprised when he began to speak to them.

“No, no, I can’t...I don’t even know how to nest.”

Winwin’s head tilted in confusion. A twenty year old omega who didn’t know how to nest? “Why haven’t you nested before, baby?”

“Was no...nothing in the room, and I couldn’t nest, so I laid on the ground, and- ahh, Winnie, ahh, it hurts.” When he couldn’t talk anymore, he resorted to moaning, falling onto the pile and pressing his face into a pillow. Thankfully, his omega instincts kicked in as he began to move the blankets around with his feet, spreading them into a small circle, blankets winding in between his legs and pillows creating a barrier. It was a proper nest created in no time.

He continued to groan into the pillow, trembling and sweating with the effort that it took to keep the pain at bay. 

“Do you want the lights off? Are they hurting your eyes?”

“No, keep them on! Don’t turn the lights off.”

“Okay, okay, the lights will stay on.” Yangyang looked to Winwin in desperation, knowing that there was nothing else that they could do for him. An omega needed an alpha when they were this distressed, and they were willing to bet money that the alphas outside the door were hurting. They needed to soothe an omega in heat.

“Xiaojun, there’s nothing more we can do for you now,” Winwin informed him gently. “Our pheromones can lessen your anxiety a bit, but we can’t do anything for your heat. Omegas need to have alphas nearby during heat. It’s the only way you’ll feel better.”

“I don’ wan’ them,” he slurred, clutching a pillow to his abdomen and groaning. “I- they’re mad.”

“Nobody’s mad. I can guarantee you, they’d do anything to be here with you now, holding you close.”

“I can’t.”

“You can.”

“They...they’ll hurt me.”

“They would never, ever hurt you,” Hendery objected strongly. “Nobody here will let you get hurt. Ever.”

He whined, openly sobbing. “I don’t want to be alone.”

“You’re not alone, baby. We’re all here.”

“I don’ want to be alone with the alphas,” he amended his statement. “I don’t want it.”

“What if we all stay here, watching over you? The lights can be on, you can nest, and we’ll protect you, just like the alphas will.”

Xiaojun pondered, breathing harshly still. “Nothin’ bad?”

“Absolutely.”

Xiaojun nodded- a tiny, wimpy little thing, but enough to have Yangyang springing for the door and pulling it open, warning the alphas to be careful but allowing them entry. Immediately, their shoulders hunched up, Xiaojun’s pheromones affecting them deeply. Protect, nurture, coddle-

“Junnie,” Kun cooed. “It’s alright. We’re here now.”

Xiaojun’s breath hitched and his eyes met Kun’s, nostrils flaring. “Kun.”

Kun approached, sitting on his knees, not in his omega’s nest. This alone was a show of his self-restraint. He wanted nothing more than to pounce on Xiaojun, to hug him and rub his back, to make all of his pain go away. “Lucas, Ten, and I are here to help you,” he murmured, voice low. “But we won’t do anything that you don’t allow. Do you understand?”

Xiaojun hugged the pillow tighter, another wave of pain flowing through his body.

“Xiaojun, do you understand?”

“Yes,” he whispered, voice cracking. “Yes, yes, please-” he got cut off, a whine breaking free. “It hurts, hyung, it hurts so bad.”

“I know, I know baby, but you have to tell me what you need. I won’t do anything unless you tell me to.”

“Come- ahh, please, please, come here,” he begged, curling up and feeling Kun settle in behind him. It had been a while since he’d been in such close proximity with an alpha during heat. The jitters in his stomach and the panic hadn’t subsided during that time. His chest ached and his breathing picked up, Kun’s scent dangerously close. He wanted to be close even though some part of him protested against it.

“Come here, Xiaojun,” the leader cooed, helping him to sit up. He gathered him in close, chest to chest with his legs hooked around his back and face pressed into his warm neck. Kun’s hand ran slowly up and down his spine while the other held his neck and head close. It was terrifying, too close, dangerous...serene, peaceful, floaty. Xiaojun felt himself calm as he laid his head there, fingers falling loose from where he’d been tangled in Kun’s shirt.

“How are you feeling?” Kun asked, hand not ceasing its movements. He knew the effect of alpha pheromones from helping Winwin all those times. Xiaojun wasn’t in pain. He’d be asleep soon.

“I’m...I’m floaty.”

“Are you alright?” Ten spoke up, kneeling by the pair and running his hand through Xiaojun’s sweaty hair. “Do you need anything?”

“I need-” his eyelids drooped and control went out the window. Kun was now fully supporting his body. The alpha smiled into his hair, pressing a kiss there and holding him tighter. “I’m sleepy.”

“Go to sleep; we’ll take care of you. Don’t worry, Junjun. We’re here.”

And he just let himself drift. He wasn’t worried in the slightest.

No other alpha had made him feel this way during a heat. Their scents were sharp and mean, putting him on edge. Xiaojun was anything but on edge as he drifted in Kun’s arms. He was safe.

…

“I think he’s asleep.”

“Finally,” Lucas sighed, as if he’d been doing the work. “How long is this supposed to last?”

“Now that you guys are here, no longer than a normal heat. Just more intense.” Winwin scratched his head, thankful that at least alpha pheromones worked better than his own.

“What would've happened if we weren’t here?” Kun asked, rocking side to side gently, still keeping Xiaojun’s face close to him.

“It would’ve been more like a week. I’ve seen it happen, and it’s not pleasant.”

Lucas cursed, running a hand through his hair and fighting tears. He smelt Winwin next to him and wrapped his arms around the omega, pressing his chest to the smaller’s back. He breathed deeply, turning his nose into his brother’s neck when Sicheng offered, tilting his head back to rest on Lucas’ shoulder.

Omegas calmed angry alphas. Alphas calmed distressed omegas.

In that moment, it seemed that everybody needed support from nearly everybody else.

…

“You look rested,” Hendery said, smiling and greeting Kun. 

“I feel rested,” he agreed. “Are Ten and Lucas taking good care of him?”

Hendery chuckled. “Ten’s cuddling him to death and Lucas is trying to feed him cheese puffs.”

Kun laughed out loud for the first time in the past few days. “I knew I could trust them.”

“Yeah,” the beta sighed. “The first days are the worst. By now, it’s just waiting it out until he feels a little stronger?”

“Stronger?”

“Well you’ve seen it with Winwin. Heat causes muscle weakness, but he should be better by tomorrow, I’d guess.”

“Ugh, then we have to talk to him about this whole thing.”

“Well...yeah, he lied to us.”

“Kid, I think Xiaojun had a reason, so don’t be blaming-”

“No, no, I’m just saying...he lied to us, so I want him to know he can trust us with this stuff. That’s all I was trying to say.”

“He’ll get there.”

“I kind of want to slap him,” Hendery admitted. “He’s such a dumbass sometimes.”

Kun sighed. “I’m not sure that’s the right way to deal with this, but I can’t help agreeing with you.” Hendery cackled evilly. “You’re still not allowed to slap him.”

“Alright, alright, god...I just wanna slap some sense into the man, and big strong alpha comes in-” he puffed out his chest, marching aroudn in his best immitation of KUn. “You can’t slap Xiaojun! Xiaojun is our second dear darling omega! We can’t slap him!”

Kun reached out and seized him by the neck, laughing heartily at this point. “You watch it or I’ll slap you.”

“Oh, I’d like to see you try old- Xiaojun!”

Kun looked up to see Lucas carrying XIaojun bridal style out of his room. He immediately let go of Hendery. “Are you alright? What’s happening?”

“He heard you arguing and wanted to tell you something.”

“Oh yeah? Go for it.”

“Hendery would beat your ass,” Xiaojun spoke, sounding- for the first time in a while- not in pain. He was grinning and teasing, something that Kun didn’t think he’d see for at least a few weeks.

“I bet he would. And when you’re feeling up to it, you can have your turn. Until then, you should be in bed. You ought to be tired.”

“If I spend another day in there, I’ll die of boredom,” he sighed. “I need sunlight and a couch.”

Lucas immediately moved him to the couch, depositing him gently. “I’m gonna make you tea.”

“Peppermint?”

“Sure thing.”

…

“Lucas, how is he?”

Lucas turned around, cup in hand, and shrugged. “I think he’s coming out of it. It’ll be another day or so before he feels better physically, but coming out of the nest was a big step. He’s just about done.”

Kun sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I just woke up.”

“You know we’ve got to talk to him.”

“He just got out of it.”

“We have to.”

“I know that. I just don’t want to.”

“Come on, hyung. We’re all gonna do together. It’ll be fine.”

They walked together to see Ten with his arm around Winwin, watching over as Xiaojun was being draped with blankets by the two betas. Kun really didn’t want to break this up. Lucas seemed to know this as he rubbed the leader’s back with a trusting thumb.

“Here’s your tea,” Lucas said over Hendery’s giggles, setting it down on the coffee table. Kun missed the contact. “Hendery, Yangyang, find a seat.”

Xiaojun looked alarmed at that, knowing what was going to happen. “Hyung, please-”

“You’re not in trouble, baby,” Kun assured him, taking a seat. “And we don’t want to pressure you into anything. We just wanted to let you know that you can trust us with anything. We would never ever hurt you. Nobody in this group would hurt any body else under an circumstances. Do you understand that?”

“Of course I do,” Xiaojun mumbled. “I trust you more than I’ve trusted anybody. I just wasn’t ready.”

“I’m sorry you didn’t get a choice,” Ten told him sincerely. “Now that we know, we’re happy to learn more about you, but I am really sorry that you didn’t get the time to tell us yourself.”

“Yeah, what happened, Xiaojun?” Yangyang asked. 

“Yangyang,” Kun scolded lightly, causing the younger to shrink back into the couch. Xiaojun straightened up and began to respond anyways.

“The government is shutting down the production of suppressants. I couldn’t get any.”

“Those are illegal, Xiaojun.”

“And not to mention dangerous,” Winwin added, shaking his head. “If the alphas hadn’t been here to help you-”

“I know. I would’ve hurt really bad for a really long time. You don’t have to lecture me.”

“He was just trying-”

“I know what he was doing, and I know that even if I hadn’t let you guys in, I would’ve been fine. I’ve gone through heats without alphas before.”

“This is different though. Young omegas get painkillers and heating pads. You wanted to go through it with nothing.”

“And I have before. I’d rather have nothing than be alone with an alpha during heat.”

Nobody said anything to that. Winwin shrank back into Ten and pointed his nose towards the alpha, trying to calm himself down. Ten did what he could to release the calming pheromones even through his anger.

“Who hurt you?” Lucas asked, and this time, Kun didn’t object to the question. Every person in the room needed that answer, and they needed it now. They needed to know who they needed to rip limb from limb. Who took advantage of their little brother?

“Too many people to count,” he deadpanned gravely.

And it just about killed them all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, the next two chapters will be a bit shorter and more focused on a brief recovery. Forgive me, I know I'm bad at super heavy angst but I wanted to give it a shot. Anyways, comments always help with my confidence and motivation, so if you've got something to say, go for it! Just please be nice :)


	4. Give him Time

Hearing the whole story took no longer than ten minutes but felt like a lifetime, each emotionless word and rushed phrase pushing a stake further and further into their hearts. They wanted to reach out, to hold him and wipe his tears but there were none. They wanted to shush his sobs but he was quiet.

It was like he was so far removed, so exhausted that he forgot to feel anything when talking about his past.

“And I became an adult and met you guys,” he finished. “Nobody ever asked questions, which I liked. Nobody asked about my dad, which I loved.”

“He’s not your dad,” Lucas growled. “He’ll never be your dad.”

“Where does he live?” Kun asked. “Your...him.”

“He died about a year ago. My mom told me.”

“And how do you feel about that?” Kun asked.

“Pissed that I didn’t spit on his coffin,” Xiaojun answered, unnervingly calm. “I’m over it. He stopped mattering to me years ago...I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

Xiaojun was up and walking to the bathroom.

“Wait-” Lucas called.

“Let him go,” Kun stopped the other alpha, poking his head down the hallway. “Leave the door unlocked!” he called, listening for the click and the water of the shower.

“What are we going to do?” Winwin asked. “I...I can only help him so much.”

“We can all only help him so much,” Hendery shuddered, close to tears. Yangyang laid a gentle hand on his leg to comfort him.

“So we’ll do that much. He let us in with him. He told us what happened. We might not know how to help him from here on out, but what we’ve been doing so far has been working, so what we’ll do is just the same.”

“It’s all we can do,” Ten agreed. “Go clean up the room and open a window. Kun, let’s cook his favorite. We’ll wait for him to make the next move.”

It wasn’t the answer that anybody wanted. It wasn’t the answer that satisfied. It wasn’t what they needed to tell themselves that this wasn’t their fault, that they didn’t fuck up. It wasn’t what they needed to help Xiaojun.

But maybe Xiaojun just had to help himself first.

…

“Yangyang?”

He knew he’d gotten it right when the sobs stopped and a hand reached up to quickly wipe up crocodile tears. The night was cold and windy, and Yanyang was bundled in a coat, crying next to Ten’s plants on their balcony. Kun understood it. He felt like crying too. “I’m fine.”

Kun had never even asked. “You know that’s useless, right?”

“Because I’m crying on the balcony?”

“Probably getting snot all on the tiger lillies,” Kun shook his head softly, sinking to the ground opposite of the maknae and grabbing his cold, wet hands. “You know Xiaojun’s gonna be okay, right?”

“Yeah,” he answered meekly, wanting to pull his hands away. “I know.”

“It doesn’t sound like you know, baby...what’re you crying about?”

Yangyang let out a wet chuckle, eyes filling once more. “You didn’t see him at first, hyung. It was...he was under the bed. On the ground. When Winwin mentioned that he would be more comfortable in a nest, he d-d-didn’t even know how to make one.”

“His nest was just fine, honey.”

“But he’d never made one before!”

“But he learned, didn’t he? You know…” Kun settled in next to his little brother instead of across from him, wanting to warm both himself and the younger just a bit. “He’s never had somebody love him like us besides his mother, and she’s an omega.”

“So?”

“So just like how he learned to make a nest, he’ll learn to trust us. He’s one of the most resilient people I know.”

“It’s not fair...Xiaojun’s so- he’s so...he’s the sweetest person I know, and people were just pushing him into the floor and using him. In a basement! He doesn’t deserve that. N-n-no b...body deserves th-”

“Hey, don’t work yourself up again, come here.” He let Yangyang lean on his shoulder. “You feel helpless, right? You can’t change his past and you didn’t figure it out and you think that there’s nothing that you can do for him.”

“If you’re trying to make me feel better, you’re doing a shit job,” Yangyang teased weakly.

“I want you to know that everybody’s feeling that. Each and every one of us. And you’re allowed to feel that way, baby, but there is something you can do for him. Don’t coddle him. Don’t treat him differently. Don’t be afraid of hurting him.”

“I don’t understand…”

“So much has changed for him. So much is going to change. His body balance, his role in the group, his identity. Eventually he’ll have to tell the fans and deal with the fallout from that. All I’m asking is that you stay the same. Everybody needs to stay the same and let him change at his own pace. Do you know what I’m trying to say?”

Yangyang sighed. “You’re forcing me to make fun of him.”

Kun smiled into his hair, pressing a kiss into the sweet, soft strands. “That’s exactly what I’m doing. Tease him, slap him, make him smile. You’re our little sunshine, Yangyang.”

“You’re so corny!” There was finally a bit of a smile in Yangyang’s puffy eyes and Kun knew he’d done his job. 

“Alright, back inside. You’re going to get a cold, fool.”

“Hyung, the sunshine cannot get a cold.”

“Brat,” he spat, pinching the younger and pulling him over his shoulder and into the dorm, closing the door with his foot and dumping Yangyang onto his bed as quietly as he could. “Goodnight, Yangyang.”

“Goodnight, hyung.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another small one for you guys :)  
> Thanks for all of your kind words. I hope that you all enjoyed this one and will stick with me for chapter five!


	5. Balcony Talks 2.0

Three months passed before his next heat. In that time, Xiaojun changed.

It was small at first. After a week or so, he stopped using the scent suppressant.

And Hendery had almost destroyed that massive step in the right direction by hanging off Xiaojun’s neck until Kun gave him a glare. “Subtle, Hendery,” he hissed telepathically.

After another week, he started to spend more time in the common room. It was only then that the rest of them realized just how little he interacted with the rest of them before. His bedroom used to be his safe place- dark, quiet, free of scents and alphas. Seeing him sitting cross-legged on the couch with a xbox controller in his hand was a sight for sore eyes.

Then he started to cook with Kun every once in a while, aka stealing food from the bowl and scampering away when Kun went after him, trying to spank him with a wooden spoon. He would come back after a minute and a half to steal more and Kun let him. He smiled- genuinely smiled with kimchi crunching in his mouth. Kun would let him steal all the food in the world.

He sat next to Lucas on the couch to watch movies, avoiding his usual single-seat arm chair. By the end of most of the films, he was asleep on the gentle giant’s lap with Lucas’ fingers running through his hair. When Xiaojun objected, they sent every picture they’d taken of the two to the group chat, laughing when they heard a small ‘ding’ followed by a groan from the other room.

He laughed more, touched more, cried more, and occasionally laid on his back under the stars on the balcony.

...

“What’re you doing out here?” Kun asked, tightening his jacket in the cold.

“Come look at the stars with me, hyung,” Xiaojun demanded, not looking away, and Kun would oblige because, really, who wouldn’t. Even if he’d been on that balcony at night much to often for his own good. The concrete was cold.

“They’re pretty,” he spoke, shivering and looking at the dots.

Xiaojun hummed and slotted his hand into Kun’s. The leader froze before relaxing, not wanting to scare him off. “I think...I think I’m happy a lot more now, Kun-hyung.”

“It’s nice to see you smiling more,” Kun agreed.

“No...it’s...I’m really, really feeling better than I was before, you know? It’s like I was living underwater with a rock on my chest. My secret getting out lifted the rock but it also kind of left me missing the weight…”

Kun listened intently.

“I didn’t know what to do with myself. I’d been one way so long that I didn’t know how not to be. For the first time in my life, I think I’ve broken the surface. I’m above water and oxygen is sweeter than Winwin in heat.” Xiaojun poked his side and grinned at him.

Kun barked out a laugh at that one. “He does smell sweet, doesn’t he?”

“The whole house smells like a freaking candy factory for days, I swear.”

“Can I tell you a secret?”

“What?”

“You smell sweeter.”

Xiaojun shot up, a scandalized look on his face. The mood was broken, but it was better this way. Xiaojun thought too much. It was nice to break him out of it sometimes. “I do not!”

“Yes, you definitely do, but don’t worry. Us alphas love it.”

“I don’t smell sweeter than Winwin!”

“Liar!” Ten called from inside, chuckling at the two on the balcony. Xiaojun sulked, glaring at the two alphas.

“You like it, do you?”

“More than anything,” Kun assured him.

“Then the next time I have a heat, I want you to mark me.”

Kun stopped, choking on a breath. “You- I- what?”

“You all know what I am now, and I’m ready to be a part of this pack for real now.”

“You need to think this through,” Kun instructed as Ten closed in, wanting to listen as well. “A mark doesn’t go away.”

“And neither will you,” Xiaojun pressed. 

“You’ll be a part of this pack...forever. You know that?”

“Well, yeah, that’s like the whole point...I want your mark.”

“You sappy son of a bitch,” Ten whooped, grabbing Xiaojun and scooping him up. “We’re gonna be a pack! We’re gonna be a pack! Lucas! Hendery! Yangyang! Winwin! We’re going to be a pack!”

Xiaojun had definitely broken the surface.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank y'all for your support! I was definitely nervous going into this one, seeing as it was my first abo fic ever, but I really appreciate all of your kind words. Have a nice day! :)

**Author's Note:**

> Comment if you'd like. It's awesome to hear from you guys.


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